Sick Mother Fucker

Men are stupid. It is so true. I guess women are stupid too, except in different ways. Recently I have been nurturing a friendship with a friend of my better half. No, I am not having an affair, although I have had a few incriminating dreams. What makes this situation even weirder is the fact that not until long ago this person, well…hated me. She did not hate me enough to spit on me or rub salt in a paper cut, but I could tell that there was something about me that made her nose turn up sour, like she had just smelled some bad milk. Long story short, she is going through a nasty divorce and I have been generous with my ear. Hours I have listened to her lament about her family life, her love life, and her unfortunate marriage to a banker. Heck, I even liked the banker. I even thought that he was lucky at times…and that time not being now. You see, the person that I am talking about is quite beautiful. Fucking…freaking…hypnotizing; a real southern belle, all sugary sweet and engaging. She came over tonight and I actually thought that I had put some friendship currency in the bank and made the mistake of trying to talk to her about some things that are going on in my life. Wrong… big fucking mistake. Little did I know that our conversation was one way. As I talked I watched her eyes dart towards the slightest distraction. I noticed her brain engage with distant matters and interfere with the basic southern propensity for feigned politeness. I let me words trail off noticeably while she took up a conversation with a wandering child. Disgusted, I went upstairs and looked in the mirror at the person with whom she had so recently been talking. I am not a bad guy…I can even be a good friend. What is the thing that I am missing that would have engaged her and why do I give a nasty rat’s ass. There it is…that is the sickness: the desire for approval…the desire to be desired. Why am I drawn to people who could not give a damn about me? I guess the answer is: if I am not worth anything, how can anybody that loves me be worth anything. I am a sick mother fucker.