Like water off a ducks back

Poor B, for someone who waited so long to get married, I wish that she had waited even longer. Not only did I loose an excellent hair dresser and wonderfully eccentric friend when her new husband whisked her off to Florida, but I have been led to the impression that the guy is a nutball. He is very jealous and controlling and has pretty much sequestered B in a hardwood-floored tower (he installs hardwood flooring) away from her friends.

I remember going out with B one night when the nutball was new in her life (she actually was dating two nutballs at the time).The whole evening was spent with her telling me all about the both of them. I could not help but to think (while she bombarded me relentlessly with joy-inspired, cryptic ramblings) that normal guys like me don't have a chance (this has been a topic on this blog before). A guy like me could never get a date with a B. What makes it worse is that if you rule out the appearance factor (I am told B's current hubby is no Clark Gable), I really cannot pin point what makes one guy attractive and another labeled with the “friend” curse. I have been around the block long enough to know that in general (not always) women like a challenge. They like for a guy to be rough around the edges. They like a project. It is no fun to get someone that is ready to go right off the shelf. But I can't help but wonder that as women get older; do they change what they look for in men? Does there come a time when the James Deans and Marlon Brandos of the world loose their appeal and all of the sudden a Rick Moranis or a Norm Abrams becomes more appealing?

My own father is shacked up with a twenty-four year old, big butt swishing moocher. It is amazing how a free house, a Ford Expedition, free child care and free college tuition will melt the years off of a 62 year old man and render him into an acceptable life partner. Each week I call my dad to get my dose of verbal abuse and he laments to me that “S is the only person that gives a shit if I eat or not!” This week he elaborated on his usual rant with the “I just might leave everything (money, property) to S, and you and T and T (my brother and sister) can kiss my ass!” I must admit that the thought of my grandmothers antiques and my great grandfather’s land in the possession of that little moocher hit a nerve with me. I wonder what my ancestors would think about the Shirley legacy being left to a bad waitress my dad met at the waffle house.

Back to B. For those of you that did not have the pleasure of knowing B, she was like a ray of sunshine. Nothing could rain on her parade (including reality). In some respects B was like Michael Jackson. Not that she molested children (I know he was declared innocent, right?), but that she did not seem to live in this world. Michael Jackson retreats from the world by going to the Neverland Ranch and B retreated from the world by living inside her own head. With every haircut that B gave me, she shared stories of possible dates with famous boyfriends and lucrative business plans to sell her famous makeup travel case. I may never know how based in this world B’s stories were but the joy on her face as she shared these dreams beamed like a breach from a nuclear power plant.

A friend at work was telling me about a friend of his girlfriend. Evidentially she is quite a hot-little number and could probably have her pick of men. However, her boyfriend is in jail. As a matter of fact, she is going to marry him before he gets released. When I hear stories like this, once again I am filled with wonder. If I went to jail, D wouldn’t send me a tube of Preparation H to cool off my over-used ass. What differentiates guys that can inspire fierce loyalty in women and guys that couldn’t get pissed on if they were on fire? Is it a big dick? Is it that the guy reminds them of their father? Is it that there is some sick need inside them that needs to be treated like shit? Or maybe it is something indefinable. Something that is not known until it is seen. Maybe geeks like me need to stop worrying about shit like this and enjoy the women that do like them. Regardless of the answer to my philosophical question, B I hope that you continue to let your smile be your umbrella.