Wednesday, May 06, 2009
A Breach of Trust
In relationships there seems to come a pivotal moment. More than likely it is un-noticeable. It is as slight as a mosquito landing on your wrist or an autumn leaf getting tangled in your hair. It is the moment that everything changes. I can't help but wonder if change befalls us whether we are ready or not or somehow we bring it about with a troubled heart. Let's take friends. We all start off as friends and if we are lucky ( or not ) we blossom into something more. At this stage, we trust or associate with no ill intent the words, facial gestures, and intentions of our potential partner. We are in fact EVEN at this point. In short it can be said that I have determined that you wish me no ill and you do not perceive that I wish anything evil on you. So, even the most questionable response, the oddest twink of the eye, even the out of place comment are taken...innocently. This is crucial to our foundation...our friendship...this most important assumption. After the years pile up on your relationship and hardships wax and wane, this fundamental base "that I wish you no harm" can become blurred. It is like a little worm ate it's way into our hearts. Once the foundation is compromised, it is doubtful that the best construction work will repair the damage of the infestation. I don't like to think that this corruption is inevidible. I like to think that the most compatible of us are immune to this disease...however I really don't fucking know. You hear things like, "don't go to bed mad" and it seems like such a simple thing to maintain a trust. However, it is as fragile as a pink antique ballerina rose. Relationships are friendships but at their heart they are more than that... they are friendships that aspired to "go to the moon"... they are friendships turned up to "11", they are friendships on acid at a Grateful Dead Concert...At least that is the way I see it.
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This is a very controversial topic my dear friend. There definitely is a difference trust plays in friendship versus relationships of love. There are varying levels of trust. I might trust my partner to listen, care for me at times that friendship doesn't allow. Not to talke away from friendship but the trust is different.
There also may be a certain level of taking for granted in relationships of love. I hate this portion but maybe that is where the confusion lies. We take our partners for granted and come to expect things instead of accept things. It is suttle and once it sets in will take the acknowledgement of both parties to get rid of it. But most importantly it exists because of the trust and love that exists in the relationship. Take for instance an old victorian home. Its foundation is strong sure enough to have with stood hail, rain, years of wear and tear and its owners come to expect that it always will. But the important ingredient is that we take care of the needs of the home because we value the support and shelter it offers us. It is a relationship. So, maybe if the homeowner let stuff go the house would not be so supportive - over time. Might take years to notice the difference but the difference exists no matter how suttle. Just like in love, we let things go we stop doing certain things and stuff builds up and we find ourselves mad that things aren't the same. We might not know why, we might not want to accept responsibility and then we blame and fuss. So, I think the most important ingredient in a relationship is honesty. It directly supports trust but is very difficut to acknowledge because we are all very sensitive to others feelings. But as for me personally, I would have much preferred my partner years ago telling me I wasn't the one instead of dumping years of shit on me for the "things" I did wrong, because at the end of the day it was never about the "things" I did or didn't do. It was because the heart of the relationship changed. I don't know I digress....But at the end of the day, I believe in honesty more than trust.
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