I spent an hour this morning walking around the Bethesda Church Cemetery. I wandered around in no particular pattern snapping pics with my iPhone: a little Angel, a Holly branch with red berries, Acorns and Walnuts, some mushrooms, a weathered tree stump...anything that caught my eye. Between my pictures I would glance at the dates on the stones and do some mental math to calculate the life span. Young children, middle-aged men, elderly couples and no one any more dead than the other. After reading some of the epitaphs I could not help but wonder which is better: to go young and innocent or old and full of life? There are some people that are brought into this world that do not have enough time to cause any harm whether intentionally or not. Lets face it, the older you are the more time you've had to F' things up. A bitter lesson of my life is that the nature of life is hurting others and being hurt. It is damn hard to live in this world without your life touching others. It seems sad to say but selfish people are happy people. Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others... It makes sense but why do I feel that there is some detail missing that would negate this generality? Lately my life seems bombarded by similar sayings of the kind: it's all good, the heart wants what the heart wants, I don't know what people say but I know what they do, wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first...sorry that last one was just for fun. I look around and I see people taking themselves out of the big world and entering the 'me' world. Maybe this is just growing up and I am not ready to do it yet. Maybe I will never be happy until I put my happiness about others. Maybe all we can ever be is alone, no matter how many people you have milling about. A brain trapped in a skull, trapped on a body, trapped on this earth, trapped by time. I sure picked a bad time to not believe in God.
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