And now for something completely different...

The afternoon lull has got me. My stomach is leaden with Chinese buffet. I feel so heavy that my ass and chair have become indistinguishable in my mind. If I am going to get up I will need a long pry bar and some sort of pivot. I just need to break the seal. I think that when my ass finally clears the cushion it will make a sound like ancient air rushing from a freshly popped open sarcophagus.

Some days it is hard to make yourself work; other voices call you. Today there is a strange balmy breeze blowing and it is distracting me. It is both cool and warm at the same time and smells like memories. This morning on the way to work I delayed my usual commute just to stand in it for a few minutes. Twenty minutes later I am late for work and exceeding my usual moderate pace on the highway… but there was no traffic to dodge. I like to think that strange wind scrambled the brain waves of my fellow gas guzzlers and they like me were leaning on their cars somewhere under its spell.

I was not there but last night D set off a firework in the house. We had bought some fireworks from Publix for the Fourth of July and there were a few little ones left in the pack. D picked out a harmless looking little firework, put it in the sink, and lit it; big mistake. That little stick of gunpowder gushed black smoke into our kitchen and rained up showers of golden hot sparks towards our ceiling; then the twenty-one gun salute began. Our little Yorkshire terrier, Winston got so upset by this boom-boom stick and light show that he now is afraid to be in the kitchen. His little nervous system was so short-circuited that he was running around in circles and insisting on sitting out in the pouring rain from hurricane Cindy. Although Winston bonded early on with D, he embraced my homecoming with new enthusiasm and was more than happy to go upstairs and got to bed with me. Thanks to D and the power of thermal dynamics I now have a new relationship with my dog.

I went to get an autograph last night. Hollis Gillespie was signing her new book at the Outwrite Bookstore in midtown. I arrived just as Hurricane Cindy was getting started and left right before she caught her second breathe (Cindy…not Hollis). I have been a Hollis fan for a couple of years now and I had a slight apprehension about being in her presence. I must admit I was a little star struck. Before everyone lined up to get their book personalized, Hollis did a telling of her stories. She was very likeable and had me smiling and feeling glad that I had braved the weather and bad Map Quest directions to be there. I had come with the intention of giving her the address of this little blog to check out (if she wanted to of course). I made a little address label with my name and blog and email and all that shit on it. I had my hand on it as I inched my way towards her in line but when the time to give it to her I left that paper there like a whore on a corner.

“Hi”, I said faking being comfortable.
“Hi”, Hollis said.
“Wow, look at all that rain. I will never get home now. I live in Lawrenceville”.
“You came all that way to see me”
“Yeah” I said (but I had only driven from Cumberland Mall).
She paused and seemed to be flattered by this remark.
“I give your book to all my friends” (well one…but she really liked it).
“Really”
“Yeah, I was so scared to come up here and see you”
“Why”
“You know…you’re a celebrity and all” I said with downcast eyes.
“Honey, don’t be afraid of my. Take a flight to Pensacola on Delta and I will be serving you peanuts”

I walked away shyly just as the word peanuts left her mouth. I did not want to take up too much of her time. I looked at her one last time before I did some puddle stomping and walked up the sidewalk to my car. I was glad that I did not bother her with my little piece of paper but at the same time of course I wish that I had given it to her. God damn it.