Sisters-in-law Act 1 Scene 1

And since today was only the first day with both the good sister-in-law and the bad sister-in-law staying under my roof, I didn't think it would be too bad.

I underestimated the evil power of the bad sister-in-law.

Now to set the scene, you have to understand what makes her bad. It's not a cool kind of bad, it's not the seductive evil twin like on a 60's sitcom or cheesy night-time soap-opera. It's just bad. It's driving in the car for an hour after picking her up from the airport and not saying a single word as she describes obscure scenes from some star trek episode or some movie she saw twenty years ago. It's not being able to answer my wife's question of "how was your day" as I'm walking in the door because the evil sister-in-law cuts me off to tell me about some work related experience from a job she had when she was in college. It's being afraid to ever say anything about anything because this overweight, unmarried, living-with-her-mother, can't-hold-down-a-job sister-in-law will cut me off to correct me on any and everything, nevermind if she's right or wrong, as long as she's listening to the sweet, sweet sound of her own voice, and (in her mind) enlightening us village idiots about the secret workings of the world to which only she is privy.

Example 1:
My wife says "I saw a special about the James Bond movie where he's skiing and jumps off a cliff and opens a parachute. Which one was that?"
I answer "that was The Spy Who Loved Me"...but quick as a flash the evil one cuts in and says "No it wasn't, the Spy Who Loved Me was about where he got married and his wife got killed at the end".
In my mind I'm thinking "thanks a lot for 1) cutting me off and telling me I'm wrong and 2) being wrong yourself with your unsolicited answer and 3) giving away the end of a movie that some people may not have seen" but in my words I'm saying "No it isn't, you don't know what the heck you're talking about" and walking away. This of course brought gentle chiding from my wife later.

Example 2:
Since you've been given the guest bedroom with it's big bed and nice tv, perhaps you could go there to watch your goofy shows for the evening. No....instead you hog the BIG tv downstairs ALL NIGHT. My wife's watching tv in the master bedroom, the evil one is hogging the BIG tv, and the guest tv goes unused. And I can't go in the guest room to watch tv since she's already taken over the room and has her stuff everywhere and may come in at any moment to go to bed.

Example 3:
Now I don't really even watch much tv anymore, but I like to watch Leno's monologue. If it's on, I like to be able to hear what he says. But the evil one's thoughts run in this line "if I'm not watching tv, I need to be running my fat-ass mouth at whoever's in earshot." So she sits quietly during her shows, but when I turn on MY show, she yaks incessently throughout. Every joke Leno says goes unheard by me, but reminds her of something that she simply must tell me about at that moment....such as some humurous thing her friend Kim said to her back in the 70's.

Then there's the good sister-in-law. We won't spend much time here, just a few examples.

Example 1:
"You go downstairs and eat dinner, I'll help Katelyn brush her teeth and I'll put her to bed."

Example 2:
"Help me put the crib together so I can finish getting your new nursery ready."

Example 3:
"You need little girl's furniture for Katelyn's room? I can give you my daughter's old furniture, I'll drive it down next time I come."

Example 4:
"Since you slept late I went ahead and did some of your gardening for you. I spread the mulch and planted the annuals."

Example 5:
"Good morning. I heard you getting up so I got your coffee ready. I emptied the dishwasher and fed Katelyn. Would you like some eggs?"

So my 8-and-a-half-month-pregnant wife and I are bouncing back and fourth between relaxing happiness, and pull-your-hair-out frustration.

More to come...