I'm going downtown to see my gal

Tonight is my first night at Georgia State. I am finally a junior (it only took me the standard 20 years to get my Associates degree). This will be my first time attending a real four-year college. Although a friend of mine helped me to locate a decent parking lot and find my classes, I am still nervous. Actually, I am really scared. Georgia State is located in downtown Atlanta. For those of us that grew up in the far suburbs of Atlanta, the word "downtown" sits right next to "crack head" and "mug yo honky ass" in our lexicons. To make a point: our parents were afraid of "downtown", our grandparents were afraid of "downtown" and there was no reason on god's green earth to find yourself "downtown" unless you were up to no good. Once rbutler and I were going to Little Five Points and over-shot our destination right into 1980's Moreland Avenue. While we were stopped at a traffic light, an angry looking fellow informed us that we were "in the wrong part of town". At the time, my teenage heart was indignant at the comment, but now years later, I am convinced that he was delivering sound advice. My fear of downtown has even reached the point where I am considering carrying protection. A sawed-off double-barrel shotgun would be my weapon of preference but I will settle on pepper spray. I personally have no idea where to get pepper spray. I begged my friend rbutler to pick me up some and bring it to me at work today, but I am guessing that my ass is not big and round enough to expedite promptness. On second thought, it is big and round enough but probably a sight more hairy than he prefers. So tonight I set out to wander the mean streets of Georgia State without so much as a bullwhip to keep away the undesirables. It is probably for the best that I am not armed in my current nervous condition. "Scuse me sah, got any sparh change?" "Get away from me murderer!” , I would scream as I unloaded my shotgun on him. "Pardon me sonny, which way is the GSU Marta station", an elderly woman would say to me delicately. "If you think the Marta station is hard to find now, wait until you have pepper spray in your eyes!", and I would blast her old peepers with burn juice. Yes, maybe I will just use some common sense and keep the new red "Bloods" bandana that I got for Christmas in my pocket. If I end up not posting to this blog for a week or so, you all will know what happened to me. Hey, Imabadcat, would you put up a brief article to my memory ? Something like, “Man uses his own penis to form a hangman’s noose and choke himself to death from a Mulberry tree”. That will make them remember me.